Wit Beyond Measure

It's a Man's greatest treasure

8,012 notes

It is the year 2812
Teacher:
Today we will be learning about a collective genre of humans called 'fangirls'. These 'fangirls' survived on nothing but nutella while 'blogging' on 'laptops' in a pitch dark room about various 'fandoms' on a website named 'tumblr', and spoke a distinctive language called 'adfasdflkj'

5,515 notes

dadiva18:

damndarrenineedacigarettenow:

accio-joe-walker:

icouldbeyourbuddyback:

potterandrelativefandomsinspace:

infamoushogwartstimelord:

see-me-in-my-crown:

teamstarkidlove:

star-kidz-bop:

albainlove:

ivegotthelimes:

fnncks:

starkidswhatthehellcanttheydo:

pansexual-atheist-time-lord:

sazzylicious:

thisisthefunctionofarubberduck:

We’re quite a kooky couple, you’ll agree.

We share some hands and fingers, and yet the feeling lingers..

We’re just about as different as anyone can be

YOU like plotting a garden…and I like plotting to kill…

You think that you should rule the world — I think books are a thrill!

Sipping tea by the fire is swell…

Pushing people in is fun as well…

I like folding all my ties…

And you have no friends- hey! That’s a surprise.

I guess it’s plain to see, when you look at you and me. We’re different, different as can be.

You’re a sissy, a twat, a girl!

I’m the darkest of looords!

I’m the brightest professor here - I’ve won several awards!

My new world is about to unfold!

You got beat by a two year old.

I’ll kill him this time, through and through.

Or you just might give him another tattoo.

(Source: 30secondstopigfarts, via starkid-nerdfighter)

21,707 notes

Me:
Ugh, why isn't my pizza done yet?
Mom:
It's been in for three minutes. Just wait.
Me:
I DID MY WAITING!
Mom:
Oh, god, not again.
Me:
TWELVE YEARS OF IT!
Mom:
Every time.
Me:
IN AZKABAN!